see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Congratulations! We have a period
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