you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
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i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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