I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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