I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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