I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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