Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
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You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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