Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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