he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
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Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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