He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
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