You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
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I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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