How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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