I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
