I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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