God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
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i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
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