Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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