I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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