woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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