I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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