in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
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I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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