Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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