Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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