plz talk dirty to me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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