I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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