I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
