Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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