ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
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ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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