he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
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When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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