who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize