Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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