I just made out with a guy for $7.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
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Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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