Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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