she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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