The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
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I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
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I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize