I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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