He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize