I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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