So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize