Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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