Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
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Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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