Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize