I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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