Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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