I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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