Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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