filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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