he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize