She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
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My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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