I love black thongs
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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