I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize