Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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