Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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