I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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